Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Tread

Lately, most of the conversations in my English Lit class have been about the value of doing what is right, or what is good for you... regardless of how it affects others.

Well, they do agree that we should do what's right, not what's safe or good for themselves. It was agreed that regardless of how tough a fight is, as long as it is for the sake of what's 'right', true courage and determination should drive us to persevere. True courage, in 'To Kill a Mockingbird', is 'when you know you're licked before you begin, but you do it anyway,' meaning that you do your best although, even before you begin, you know that it is futile. Some call it courage. Others, foolishness.

What do I call it? Both. Courage and foolishness are, in fact, very similar things. It's just a matter of who you ask. Try asking a Muslim terrorist this: is self-sacrifice for the purpose of jihad a measure of courage, or foolishness? You would of course be told that it is courage. Now, ask that to a more liberal Muslim, one who knows the value of diplomacy and moderation, and you will be told that it is Islam taken out of context; that it is foolish.

Now, how do we decide on what to fight for? Do we even know the issues we feel most strongly about, and can any of us truly say that we recognize which side we're on? Much like grass, our beliefs waver. Well, some people have firmer beliefs, but I do think that people still waver in many different issues. Therefore, it would be impossible for them to display true courage(or foolishness). They would lack the conviction needed to drive them.

Again, it comes back to doing what's right. We do have a duty to do what is right, even if it could affect us in various adverse ways. Waver as we may, there comes a point where we should stop swaying and choose; REALLY choose. In this matter, I'd like to believe that I would always do what's right. I wouldn't fight for something that would greatly benefit me if it would be greatly detrimental to others. I would want to live with a good conscience, one that doesn't weigh me down but instead helps in making my steps lighter.

Really, I'd like to believe so. I'd like to think that I would always have a good conscience, because I would always do what's right and fair and just. But I know that it's a lie. In this world, it is impossible to go around with a perfect conscience. It is impossible. The more privileged you are, the more impossible it gets.

We grow up surrounded by love and care and hope and comfort, and then as you come into the realization of who or what you really are, you are told that what you'd been doing all this time has been wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Because you're not supposed get settled in with your privilege and comfort. You're supposed to be out there, spending your time, money, and effort to help the poor, needy, and disadvantaged. You are wrong to be content with your life, to feel safe and happy, while there are many, many people out there who are sick and poor and starving.

Ah, so here comes to tough part. Do you come out of your shell, giving all that you can to help these other people, or do you continue as you always have: not ignorant of the plights of others, but indifferent enough to believe that there will always be the poor and downtrodden, and it would be futile to try to change it? Are you one of those people with their sleeves rolled up, rough hands, covered in sweat and dirt and soot, working to help those whom you believe need it: or do you just sit in an air-conditioned room, soft skin, sweat unfamiliar to you, and your conscience is eased by simply dropping a coin or two into a donation box every now and then?

I am, sadly enough, one of the latter. But I am not completely indifferent, and I am not too jaded that I don't know how it's like to be idealistic. I realize that something has to be done, but what others don't realize is that I choose to fight in a different way. I may not be out there to herald the great cause of freedom and equality, but I am here, and here is where I need to be. I do not live in grandiose ideas and visions. I live here, and I do what I can. I allow my conscience to guide me not by coming up with grand plans on the eradication of poverty, but by the small, so-called unimportant things.

What are these small things? Well, I leave that to you to figure out. I guess it differs from person to person.

In other words, I choose to fight battles, not wars. And, over time, wars are won through battles. Though I may not have a grand campaign, I have other ways of winning.

I'm tired of having people telling me that I should do something more. I'm tired of people saying that we're wrong to be so complacent. I'm tired of people telling me that I do not realize the extent of evil and injustice in this world.

I am already here, in this world, where I need to be. I see what you see. I know what you know.

So shut up already.

Just because I choose to deal with it differently, it doesn't give you the right to tell me to show 'true courage' - it doesn't give you the right to tell me that I am not doing enough.

Leave me to do it my way.

As for whether it's either foolishness, or courage.... who cares?

I would have done something I believe is right, and I would have done it my way.

My conscience can live with that.

Read on...

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New Money, New Can of Worms

Okay, so it's easy for us mere mortals to say stuff like 'If I became rich, I wouldn't let money get to my head', etc. It's easy for people from the lower and middle classes to look at the rich and say things like 'if I had that much money, I wouldn't waste it like they do'.

What they don't realize is that we're humans - not prophets. We can't predict what will change us, and what won't. We can't simply believe that our morals and principles will remain ever so noble no matter how much luck we have in life.

Look at me - I used to believe that yes, I would remain humble and down to earth no matter what happens.

But now I'm not so sure. I find that now I've become quite the spoiled brat. Yes, I still know my limits. Yes, I don't act like an arrogant prick. But my personal standards have made a huge leap in the last year or two.

I find that now I sometimes look at the brand more than the clothes - of course, I still make sure that the clothes are sensible and comfortable. I no longer shop at places I deem unworthy of my attention. Well, more accurately, I don't buy stuff from these shops as often as I used to.

A few years ago, I would've been happy to get clothes no matter where I bought them, or what brands the clothes were, as long as they were comfortable and of reasonably good quality.

Now... well, I look at the brands too. This is a very recent thing, of course - only recently have I started spending much more on clothes. I don't have a closet full of designer stuff - just a few items.

But heh, the problem is that once you reach a certain level, you don't wanna go and lower. And it sucks, because now I have to fork out more money for whatever I want to get.

And it doesn't only apply to clothes, as I also tend to spend more on food now. It's not exactly eating more, but eating the same amount but spending more. Pfft. I'm forking out so much money for a lifestyle that I know I shouldn't try to perpetuate.

I do realize that one day, I won't be getting money from my parents anymore, and I'd have to pay for myself. And I also know that at the rate I'm going, my future pay won't be enough to sustain my lifestyle. Somehow, I have to learn how to limit my spending. I have to learn how to pace the rate at which I fork out cash. If I don't, I won't have much savings in the future. *sigh*

I'm not under any fancy delusion that I'm rich, though. Not at all. The term I use for it is 'new moneyed', as in... I can afford certain luxuries every now and then, but I can't splash huge amounts of money all the time.

Ugh. I'm becoming such a spoiled brat. And I hate it.

The only saving grace of my increasingly reckless behavior is that I don't try to act like I'm more than what I really am. I don't go around saying that I'm rich, because I know that I'm not. I don't patronize anyone. I don't believe that I'm superior while others are inferior. I know what it means to be average. On the other hand, I won't lie by being overly humble, e.g. 'oh no, don't call me rich, you're richer than me', 'ah.. no.. I'm poor, I'm not rich', and so on. I think that those would be outright lies.

I just.. um.. don't pretend to be better or worse than who I really am.

I know my limits. *sigh* The problem, though, is that they keep going up.

So.. heh. No idea what to do, or how to solve the problem.

That is all.

Read on...

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