Thank you...

I guess it's time for another update.

So, what's new?

Life's okay. I have two tests and two presentations next week, but for some odd reason I'm not too worried. So far, our progress has been okay, so I hope that things will go fine. I'm sure that things will NOT go fine, but oh well. Who cares.

Still no girlfriend, or even a potential one. *sigh*

Friendship is great, though. Now I feel bad for doubting my friends. The other day, I stopped by a friend's house to get something. He was bored. Instead of just taking the stuff and going, I ended up hanging around at his house... for another one hour and thirty minutes. What did we do? Talk. Just.. talk. And it was great.

This is the kind of thing where... maybe 10 years from now, even if we aren't friends anymore by then, I'd still remember that time when he was bored and we ended up talking for so long about nothing and everything. It's just.. heh. Well, he did have his own reasons for wanting to talk - girl-related issues - but hey, at least we talked. Is it weird for two guy friends to just sit down and talk?

Probably.

But it was great. Not in an exhilarating way, though.. it was just.. calm. Hard to explain. Maybe I can say that it's like.. at the end of the day, you just go out and sit on your balcony, sipping on a cup of tea while you enjoy a stunning view. It just feels right. And you feel calm from it. It feels as if things are simply sliding into place.

I also have another friend... this one's a girl, and she's been there for me all this time. It's great that she doesn't judge me. And it's great that she knows everything about me, and we can just talk about anything and it'd be fine. Yea. That's a friend. Someone who knows everything about you - both good and bad - and.. yea.

Another example was a few days before that. I and two friends went out for dinner. We talked. We laughed. They laughed more than I did, as I tried to pretend like I didn't know those two crazy idiots :P Man, were these two guys silly. But heh, God knows that I certainly enjoyed it. Although I was lamenting their craziness, I knew that these were the kinds of friends that we work so hard to find in life.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I didn't really have friends. I take back what I said. I do have friends. The problem was that before this, I never really recognized them for who they were. Who they are. I was looking at them, but I didn't see them. I was, in a way, being selfish, expecting too much from them. What kind of person expects certain things from their friends? Friends give, whether you want them to or not.

I guess that this is my way of saying thank you. Maybe one day I'll thank you in person, but for now.. this is my thank you. But a few of my friends do not read my blog, and maybe that's why I'm actually confident enough of saying thank you - they won't actually read it. But at least I said it. :P Yea, I'm a coward.

Yea, you've been a good friend.

Read on...

Hide expanded post.

Girl

So. Today I'm gonna write about what kind of girl I think would be absolutely perfect for me. Yay.

Hm. Let's see. Where do I start?

Independence is something that I respect. In fact, independence is quite an attractive quality. I guess I wouldn't want a girl who wanted to be with me 24/7, or needed me to look after and protect her all the time. We could both go and do our own things during the day, but at the end of each day we'd both come back together fully aware that we belong exclusively to each other. Of course, this would require a high level of trust between the both of us.

I mean, come on - if you were dating someone, and you gave the person a great amount of freedom, would you be 100% sure that he or she wasn't cheating on you, or wasn't interested in other people? In any case, I'd probably offer the girl a great amount of freedom and independence. If I somehow date some girl who hates being apart from me, or whatever, she'd probably be insulted that I don't want to hang around with her all the time. She'd probably think that I'm saying 'I don't want to be with you and I'm interested in someone else' if I tell her tht she can do whatever she wants and go out with her friends instead of me wanting her to be with me all the time.

On the other hand, it's not like I would INSIST that we stay apart all the time. No way. I'm just saying that we don't HAVE to be together all the time. We can be with each other sometimes, and have our own lives at other times. I guess that my idea of a relationship includes time exclusively for yourself - you shouldn't have to give up all your time for the person you love. If I love someone, and I think she also loves me, I'd trust her to live her own life, and I'd be happy if she shared even a part of it with me. This also means that I might get used, but depending on the person, I'd risk it. I guess it stems from the fact that all my life, I've expected so much from people, that now I don't want to expect anything. I'll accept what's given, as long as it's emotionally satisfying to me.

What else? I want a girl who's intelligent, wise, and mature. Intelligence, wisdom, and maturity are 3 different things, I believe. One can be intelligent but immature. One can be wise, but unintelligent. And so on. I'd want a girl who is at least as intelligent, wise, and mature as me, if not even more so. Some men are intimidated by girls who are considered more cognitively competent than they are, but... I'm not one of them. I don't know. I just want to have real conversations about anything, anytime. I want someone who can match me tit for tat. Someone witty and immensely knowledgable. Someone like me? Nah, I'm not that smart :p

Having said that, I don't want to be able to read her like an open book - in the early part of the relationship, at least. I want to figure her out. I want to look past her public mask and see the person behind it. Lots of people act in certain ways to cover who they really are - no matter how small their deception. Yeah. I'd be happy and honored if I was one of the few people who really knew her, who sees past the things she does or says just to hide what she truly feels. Some people are afraid of showing the truth behind the facade, as they're probably terrified that people would think badly of the person behind the illusion. I guess I'd want to see who she really is, and then let her know that I love her for who she really is. Not who she is in public, or who she is when she says silly things, or who she is when she does certain things to distract everyone from noticing the real her.

What else? She would be a strong person. Not just a 'she's my rock' kind of strong, but a 'she can withstand a storm, a tsunami, a tornado, and then some' kind of emotional strength. Yea, she'd be as grounded and firmly rooted as grass. Yeah. But she wouldn't just be too grounded - she'd be really passionate as well. Not passionate to the point of completely losing herself in the process, but just.. very passionate, but still firmly grounded. A balance of reality and fantasy.

The strange thing is that what I've written about her so far certainly classifies her as next-to-perfect, but in a way I wouldn't want her to be perfect. To me, there's a certain charm in imperfection. A painting is perfect. Reality isn't. I guess that if she were to be perfect, I wouldn't see her as a real human being. She wouldn't be real, to me. On the other hand, if she were to be imperfect, it would remind me that she's just as human as I am, that she can feel and think and do and say and believe anything and everything much like any other person can. That she is vulnerable and emotional, passionate and strong. Everything. She would have problems and worries - as any person, no matter how strong they are, does - dreams and ideals and everything else. She'd be blemished. Human. Imperfect.

Heh. Again, I wouldn't expect her to be all of these. I mean, I'd like it if she were to have all these qualities, but... I have no doubt that the person I'd end up with in the future isn't nearly as good as how I describe my perfect person. Who cares, though? I'd still love her. Imperfection, remember?

Yeah. That's all for now.

Heh.

Goodnight.

Read on...

Hide expanded post.