It's late at night...

Hm.. it's late at night, and I'm not entirely sure what to write about.....

I've been wanting to write a story since... well, last year. Problem is, I never seem to have the time to do so. Nowadays.. all I do is homework, attend tuition, go to school, sleep, exercise, etc. I never really have time to write. It won't matter if I have short breaks in between whatever I do during the day, because... I need time to write. I need a long period of time dedicated entirely to writing. I need to be in the mood, in the 'zone', where the ideas just flow out smoothly and inexorably.

*sigh*

At night, I'm either busy finishing up some assignments(usually last minute stuff), or I'm chatting with friends, or I'm too sleepy to do any of those and I'd go to bed early. Then, I'll read a book while falling asleep. I.. just can't seem to find time to write. Either that, or I just do anything except writing... as an excuse not to write.

I read in a book that my brother's girlfriend lent me, and somewhere in it it said that the first million words(or was it sentences?) that we right are just for practice. We have to start now, no matter how horrible our writing skills are. Someone who says that 'Oh, I want to read all the great works of fiction and then I'll write my grand masterpiece' is just giving an excuse NOT to write.

I seem to fall under the category of 'people who find excuses'.

I know I want to write, I know that I should be writing, but.. I'm just not doing it! One of my goals in life is to write a book. It doesn't have to be a bestseller, it doesn't have to create legions of fans, or anything like that. It's more of a personal goal, something I want to do. It's just.. one of my dreams. I'm just not sure if I'll ever get around to actually doing it.

How many people go through life not doing what they've always wanted to do? The answer = too many. Far, far too many. Too many people do things in life which they should have never done, while others don't do the things in life which they should have done. It's so weird. Is it out of fear? Is it out of bad luck? What causes a person to not pursue whatever they know, love, and desire most? What holds a person back from truly living their lives? Perhaps, for some people, it's money. For others, commitments... bad luck... etc. But I think fear is the biggest factor. People fear failure. People fear diving out of their comfort zone... despite the fact that they'd be jumping into something that they want to do. As for me? It's probably fear. I fear that I'll be disappointed when I'm done writing, I fear that I won't live up to my own expectations.. I fear that it could be a waste of time. So much fear... never enough time. *sigh*

I do hope that people do what they want to do in life. I hope they can be whoever they want to be in life. But hope is only hope. I can hope for others, but it won't change anything. I can hope for myself, but it probably would be silly. Why? Because.. if I actually worked, if I actually dived out of my comfort zone... if I was actually brave and wise enough to do what I want to do, and achieve what I want to achieve, I wouldn't need to hope. Hope is for people who do not have certain things in their lives. A child in a broken family hopes for a happy family. A poor man hopes for his luck to change. A wealthy man hopes that no calamity will befall him. When the moment comes... seize the moment. Just step forward and never look back. If your dreams become reality, if you do everything you can do to ensure that your life will be one of stability, joy, and brilliance, then you won't need to hope.. well, not as much anyway. Hope is only for people who aren't satisfied or happy with what they have.

That's why we humans will never stop hoping. Nothing is ever perfect; things change, people change, wars occur, conflicts emerge, and so on. We'll never stop hoping... at least not in my lifetime.

*sigh*

Such weirdness. I'm so sleepy. Goodnight...

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Oh, just some stuff...

Well.. my first ever significant post. Wow. Not quite wow, but.. kinda wow. I've fallen into the pit of bloggers from which I will never be able to get out... *Sigh*. Perhaps it's for the best?
Anyway, today has been... an okay day. Hm, we had a discussion during English about a culture, ritual, or ceremony which we are unhappy about. Well.. we discussed it in groups.. and then each group talked about our chosen ritual/ceremony/culture.

The funny thing is, most of the cultures or rituals mentioned either involves human sacrifice... or women. It's weird how when we see the cultures of the past, a significant amount of rituals involve.. women. How strange. I'm not sure how or why in the past, women were considered to be second-class humans. I'm a teenage boy and I wonder why is it that women were treated badly. Why, really? Women nowadays are definitely far, far better than they were back then. Nowadays, the best classes and top universities have more women. Women generally get better grades then us guys, and are known to be more responsible and disciplined. Plus, women have more self-control than 90% of the male population(no I'm not paid by any girl out there to say what I just said, but it's somewhat true). Although, that doesn't mean that there aren't some good men in society. Just because some men are annoyingly evil and useless and.. well, for example, rapists... that doesn't mean that we're all pigs. I can't stand it when some other males(the word 'men' is a too mature word for the people I'm now talking about) do stupid actions and ALL the men(or males, depending on your opinion about men) are considered as stupid, or foolish. I hate it when some other guys think that women are inferior, and then people like me are called sexists. It's bloody annoying.

Well, at least we now know that most of the rituals back then were probably created by men, hm?

It's fine for us to point out how women didn't have equality in certain cultures. But what about religion? Are we allowed to question religion? No.. of course not. It's wrong. Or so they say. But... we, as humans, can't help but wonder about things. We can't help but be curious, and think, and ponder, and come up with arguments, points, logic, and reasons why certain things mentioned is religion doesn't seem to apply in society nowadays. I know that I'm probably spouting blasphemy now(I'm Muslim, by the way). I don't think they had anthropologists back then, hm? I'm not entirely sure why God gave us a guide for our lives milleniums ago, when it surely would either have been lost, or had its meaning changed, throughout the course of time.

Perhaps as time went by, the perversion started. Where people greedy for power or status started to take these holy texts and decided to change their meanings to suit their needs. Remember.. the Catholic church long, long ago? Before the Reformation which saw the birth of the Protestants? They were monopolizing religion then, wielding it as an intricate network of strings designed to manipulate and control human beings. We had those letters of Indulgence, etc. Not that Catholics are bad, in fact, today both they and the Protestants are equally good in the Christian faith.

Now how would we know if our holy texts were manipulated so long ago that we are unable to trace when it was changed, or why, or what the original words were? It's impossible to discover the source of such changes. Which leaves me wondering if what I learn nowadays are in fact the true words of God. I wonder. I wonder, but I still believe. I won't ever stop believing, I suppose, no matter how many arguments I can come up which would prove any religion wrong. I've been brought up to believe. Most people have been brought up as believers. Perhaps I am afraid of change, perhaps I am afraid that should I throw away my faith, I'll end up in hell(as predicted). But if I were afraid, I wouldn't know. All I know is that despite reasoning and logic, I am still a believer. I think that's good. At least I know that my faith won't waver too much.

Fascinating, this thing called religion. It's so intricate, complete, ancient, and embedded firmly into our entire way of life that no one can simply scream that religion is false and get away with it. Even if people are unable to believe certain things contained in their religions, we, as humans, need a way to explain things. We need something to believe in. Nothing can go unexplained. The natural curiosity of us humans are our greatest asset, and our greatest flaw.

There's another thing I believe in, though. I think that even if you pray 5 times a day, or go to church every week, or offer prayers at a temple weekly... it won't matter if you do not truly believe. If you do that simply because you have been brought up doing that, and it's more of a habit as opposed to you truly believing... then what's the point? I can't say what God wants, but I surely think that He'd rather have you worshipping AND believing, as opposed to worshipping and NOT believing. I may not be the perfect worshipper, as I am.. for some reason.. uncomfortable when I practice my religion(which I'll never understand why)... but I do believe. I truly believe. I don't know if it's from fear, or whatever... but yea. That's me.

I'm simply me.

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Something New

Um.. my first post? Heh. I don't have much to say at the moment... will get back to being intelligent later on. Bye, for now..

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